Caught Between Worlds

Okay, so I stole the title for this blog post from my friend Saroj, whose blog you should read, by the way. Shameless plug :p

I've touched on this in a few previous blog posts, where I find myself somewhat estranged by my 'customs' within an American society, but what does that really mean about my cultural identity, I wonder. Well, to start off, let me say that I'm extremely proud of my heritage. I'm almost 100% Salvadoran (from El Salvador, Central America), except for a tiny bit of German from my mother's side of the family a few generations back. But for the all intents and purposes, I'm a true Salvadoran - the German just helps my liver be more awesome, I like to think.

This cultural background carries many interesting facets. First of all, no offense Saroj, but I feel I have a leg-up on the situation because Spanish was my first language. Having filled out a form recently that had this as an option, I'm also going to say English was my first language, too. And while I don't consider myself a great reader or writer in my native tongue, I can hold my own in conversation, granted I have to get into Spanish thinking mode, especially with three additional languages to juggle. Regardless, just speaking the language on a daily basis when talking with my mother or father helps me feel like a true Latino. Additionally, there are some other aspects that help push this sense of Hispanic identity.

Aside from language, I have the tendency to cook in a traditional Hispanic style, though I'm not averse to other ethnic cuisine. Far from it. I tend to dabble in all sorts of foods, be it Chinese, Indian, or Italian. But a lot of my bases for sauces and marinades are what I think of as Latin, including a lot of garlic, lime, cilantro, and red onions. I love having tortillas instead of bread, and I'm trying to learn how to make pupusas from my mom sometime in the near future. We'll see how that goes.

Another side of being raised Salvadoran is the close tie I have with religion. Now while I don't like to say that I'm religious, I will say that I embrace my spirituality more than most people I know, especially in the world of science. But I've found a way to reconcile between evolution and Creationism. Now, I won't sit here and tell you that I follow everything that the Bible and the Roman Catholic church preach. Not at all. I have my own set of beliefs that I've picked and chosen from various religious doctrines, including Judaism, Hinduism, and Buddhism, which seem to make sense to me. I don't agree with a lot of the ideas that Catholicism teaches, and tend to think that the church needs to grow and evolve with the times. It's policies and mandates are clearly outdated, and make other sects of Christianity much more appealing at times, but I still continue to attend Mass whenever I can. Something about the rituals of the services appeals to me, plus, it's familiar to me and thus provides me with comfort (most of the time). I find myself praying almost every night, and truly believing in the power of prayer. This extends to a realm outside religion as well, into metaphysics, but I'll save that for another time.

And speaking of rituals, there are a few cultural practices that I absolutely wish to continue as I grow older and head to have a family of my own. I'll give you a small taste of what I mean. Every New Year's Eve, my family (the five of us) gathers and spends quality time together, sometimes inviting another family or family friend over. Prior to the stroke of midnight, we go through some interesting rites before the new year is upon us. My mother takes a large, almost cauldron-like pot, out and fills it with many aromatic herbs, flowers, and various spices, including rose petals, cinnamon, and myrrh flowers (courtesy of my Grandma in E.S.). This is a cleansing rite that is performed whilst taking a shower on New Year's Eve. During the shower or bath, we each take a single white egg and pass it around our body, pressed up against the skin, in an attempt to rid ourselves of all the unnecessary baggage and negativity that we've accumulated throughout the year. The egg is then set aside, and we conclude the bath by pouring some of the aromatic water over ourselves, and exit smelling like a fresh field of awesome. Upon getting dressed, we also have to wear a new piece of clothing that symbolizes a new transition - usually a recently purchased shirt. Then, after a lovely feast, we countdown to the new year, holding hands, symbolizing a group journey, that we've gotten to this point together, and will continue together, and say a small prayer once the new year has arrived. At this, we also consume 12 grapes and have a glass of champagne, where the 12 grapes are supposed to be various wishes or resolutions for the coming year. Then, we go outside and shoot of some fireworks, just for the heck of it. And afterward, either sometime that night or the next day, each person takes their egg from the ritual bath and cracks it open in a glass of water. We then study the form and try and look at the image the white and yolk have taken to indicate what problems we had during the past year and what to best work on. Perhaps this is like reading tea leaves. It has provided interesting results in the past, forming shapes like a heart or a halo, which could mean that we need to work on relationships or faith perhaps. It's more fun than anything serious, but I still like it.

It's those types of things that make me feel extremely distinct from any of my friends and their families. It makes me feel like I have a true cultural identity. Some other points of interest may be giant family gatherings filled with alcohol consumption and dancing, Latin dancing, and personal intimacy among family members, similar to the way the French kiss each other upon meeting, though it extends to lots of cuddling and hugging with family and friends as well. I'm currently in a bit of withdrawal since I was just home this past weekend, but it'll pass soon enough. I'd rather not weird out my coworkers by trying to kiss and/or hug them.

And what does this mean for my future? Well, it means that I'm definitely going to keep as many customs going as possible. My first goal is to teach my children Spanish. My spouse will also not be spared. So good for them if they'll already know it. My roots are not something I wish to soon forget, and I am very happy to say that I am an extremely proud Salvadoran. Now an American ... well, maybe I'll save that for another post.